In April 2008 we arrived back from an overseas trip with the idea that it was time to add a baby to our little world. We were in a good place financially and as a couple. In my naive world I thought that it would just happen. In fact every month I would convince myself I was late despite the fact that I have never had a regular cycle.
In September I went to our local GP who put me on meds to force an ovulation. So on the 10 September(otherwise known as our wedding anniversary) I fell pregnant. This was also the first time since I had met Andrew five years earlier that I had known him to turn off his cellphone for a trip away. He was under stict orders to relax after a very stressful time at work. So I don't know if it was the meds or the fact that we were both relaxed but 4 weeks later when I peed on a stick two blue lines appeared.
I made an appointment with a Doctor in Umhlanga in the middle of October. Due to my cycle issues he decided to send me for a few tests. Turns out that I had low progesterone and multiple growths on my ovaries. The Dr reckoned that even with the meds it was a miracle that I had managed to concieve. In fact he called my husband a stud... I do wish I hadn't told him that as he still likes to talk about it.
I was warned that due to the low progestrone there was a good chance there wouldn't be a heartbeat. I was terrified going into that scan.
The heartbeat was strong and everything looked perfect. I was still worried and until I got to the point that I could feel him kicking everyday I was constantly scared he was gone.
This Dr was big on getting lots of money out of his patients. I had an appointment and a scan every 4 weeks till 28 weeks then every 2 weeks till 35 weeks followed by every week. It nearly broke us having to drive to Durban every few weeks.
I had multiple tests done most of which I have forgotten. All I know is that they haven't been repeated this time around. I felt like a human pin cushion at times.
He insisted I move down to Umhlanga at 36.5 weeks as the baby would be arriving early. All the talk was of natural birth and I even attended two birth classes at his offices.
The first clue that things wouldn't go as planned was the hospital tour that week. The delivery rooms are tiny and taken up by a bed out of a horror movie that broke aprt. I swear Ewan crawled up a few inches at the site. I asked about using water for pain relief and about using different postions for birth. The staff just looked confused.
At 37 weeks my gynae decided to check my pelvic size. A nasty invasive procedure. He told me the baby was big and pelvis small therefore I had to have a c- sec. I asked for more time.
I went back to the flat and started drinking raspberry leaf tea and eating spicy food.
I know now that fear had already taken over. I was frightened of the hospital and I knew that my gynae didn't care but it felt too late to change. I cried a lot!!
At my 38 and 39 weeks appointment he kept up his rant that I would end up having a c-sec so I might as well give in now.
The next week I asked if I could possibly be induced and at least try for natural. He basically told me that I was being stupid and that an induction would just result in the c-sec but I would be in pain before.
At this stage my left hip had given out and I was in so much pain all the time. I knew I had lost the fight so I gave in and signed the papers to have the procedure done on Friday June 5.
On the morning we arrived at the hospital at 5:30am. I was shaking with fear and clutching my pillow like a lifeline. I was put in a 4 bed ward but luckily there was only one other woman in the ward.
The next few hours slipped by in a blur of fear and forms.
Andrew was sent to change into scrubs and I was put in a backless blue gown.
The maternity theatre was freezing cold.
I had to lean forward over the massive bump and hold onto Andrew while the spinal was put in. That part was done really well. I felt a slight prick of the needle but nothing else.
I was placed on the table and my gynae and his assistant arrived.
It felt surreal to be lying there while all the medical staff talked about the latest car my gynae had bought.
All I could feel was a tugging sensation then a pop. Ewan was born at 8:05am. He was lifted over the curtain so I could see him. I fell instantly and totally in love. I couldn't believe this little person was mine.
He was whisked away to be cleaned and tested.
Ten minutes later he was brought to me and I held him for a few seconds before he was taken away again.
Andrew left with Ewan to the nursery and I was grateful he at least had his Daddy. I on the other hand felt alone. Nothing felt real.
I was taken to recovery and left by myself shaking from the meds.
At 9am I was taken back to my room. I wanted my baby so badly but nobody would bring him to me. It was hospital policy that he spend two hours in an incubator.
Just after ten I nurse walked into the room asked me for a baby grow and informed me that Ewan was being used as the bath demo baby that day. I didn't argue. The whole thing already felt out of my hands.
The lady sharing my room went to check on him for me. At 11:30 she went and yelled at the nurses to bring him to me. I was so grateful to her. As first time parents Andrew and I just let the hospital staff dictate to us instead of standing up to them.
I finally saw my baby boy again almost 4 hours after his birth. Of course the latching instinct was long gone. He tried to feed but it really didn't work.
We did however both fall asleep gazing lovingly at each other.
Andrew and I spent lots of time holding Ewan and getting told off by staff that we were just making life difficult for ourselves. They advocated him spending as much time as possible in his crib.
That night they took him away to sleep in the nursery. He cried every hour or so and they would bring him back and we would try the feeding thing again.
In the morning my IV and catheter were removed. That was when the real pain started. Trying to get up off a hospital bed with a wound like that hurts like crazy.
At least I could sort of move and was able to have a shower.
The matron fetched a giant electric breast pump for me but nothing came out. Not one drop. That afternoon I caved and let them prepare a bottle for Ewan. Andrew fed him and I sat and cried watching how fast he drank the bottle. His little lips had been dry with thirst.
It turns out that low progestrone can cause breast feeding issues. Combine that with how long it took for me to be able to try and feed him. It was disaster from the start.
I did keep trying though.
During the day Andrew could help me up from a chair or the bed but at night I was alone with the staff. My room was near the nurses station. All through the night you could hear them talking loudly. Twice I had to push the button for help getting out of bed. They would take ages to arrive and complain constantly. I hated every minute of it.
On the Monday my gynae was away playing gold but his partner Dr Roberts was there. She checked me out of the hospital and prescribed meds to help with the breastfeeding. Thanks to her I was able to combine feed for six months.
So guess who I am going to for baby number 2? Yep Dr Roberts.
It turns out my previous gynae had an 85% c-sec rate so my chances of natural where very small.
Candice is very pro natural so I am trying to believe things will work out.
However even if I do have to have a c-sec things will be very different.
Babies are placed skin-to-skin on the Mom while she is being stitched to help with bonding and breast feeding.
Babies will room in with the Mother and are only taken to the Nursery for peads visits or to be bathed by a parent.
The biggest rooms at Alberlito are semi-private and there are lots of private rooms.
If I do manage to have a VBAC labour and delivery suites are huge rooms with birthing balls and showers for pain relief. They have windows and feel light, airy and welcoming.
Moms are treated to a mini facial, pedicure and manicure on the second day.
Parents are given a dinner together on the second night. They call it a romantic candlelight dinner but really it will still be hospital food:)
Parents are encouraged to hold and love baby.
Breastfeeding is encouraged but they do understand my situation. Hopefully I will be able to feed her but small top ups of formula will not make me feel like a failure this time.
Ewan's birth was one of the best days of my life but thanks to the hospital and my gynae it was also one of the worst.
All I can do is hope and believe that this time will be different.
The first time I really held him.
In the nursery on the day he was born.
One final point. Ten babies were born there that day and all by c-sec. Everyone to their own choice but I think that is a bit messed up.
