I can't leave out Zoey's big story. The first big drama of her young life.
She had her first bad ear infection at nine weeks but it cleared with antibiotics and everything was fine. In January she got another ear infection, followed by another in Feb and another one in March.
Her Doctor suggested we put her on an aggressive ten day antibiotic and after ten days take her to an audiologist to check that infection had completely cleared.
Well after ten days of fighting to get meds down her throat twice a day her eardrums did not respond at all to the tests. The darling child was basically deaf from all the fluid build up.
The audiologist suggested we see an ENT. I don't trust any of the Doctors at Newcastle, which is our closest private hospital, so I contacted her Doctor at Alberlito and he referred us to a Doctor there.
I managed to get an appointment on Monday the 7th April. Andrew and I took her down on the Sunday and had a relaxing time with just our little baby.
The appointment showed she needed grommets in both ears and that they needed to be done urgently. The fluid was causing her pain, affecting her balance and setting her back in speech milestones.
I was so freaked out about having my tiny ten month old go under anesthetic. Andrew was the calm one and Zoey couldn't have cared less.
We booked the surgery for the next day. I hardl slept that night and Zoey was fairly restless without her 3am bottle.
The check in at the hospital at 6am was very easy and the staff are so friendly and helpful. A few recognised Andrew and myself from Zoey's birth and made a huge fuss of her and how much she had grown. Zoey just loved all the attention and smiled at everyone.
The peadatric unit at Alberlito is lovely. Nice staff and a great play area. I loved that each ward had it's own bathroom and only four beds. Number of private rooms and isolation rooms as well.
Compared to Umhlangha and the horrible Hillingdon it was a really nice place.
Zoey crawled all around the ward and got very antsy about her missing breakfast and bottle.
Time seemed to move very slowly but I know it wasmy nerves.
Just after seven the theatre staff came to fetch her and Andrew carried her down.
I was too nervous to be in theatre but Andrew held her in his arms while they put the gas mask on. She hated the mask but was trying to get to the hat on Daddy's head. Apparently she went under very quickly. Andrew went outside to wait.
I fetched her blankie and some juice for her and sat nervously waiting in the ward.
I heard her coming long before she go there.
My happy go lucky baby was howling.
She was confused and feeling sick.
I cuddled her and walked up and down the ward.
We tried giving her juice but she vomited all over her babygrow. After a change it was back to walking all over the unit again.
After two hours of rocking and cuddling she eventually took her bottle and fell fast asleep.
The Doctor arrived and told us we could go home when we where ready. The nurse told us to stay as long as we needed to. So I relaxed in the big lounge chair with a sleeeping Zoey.
She woke up at 11:30 happy and smiling again. Zoey gave every nurse a hug goodbye and we headed home.
The tears and drama where horrible but it has made such a difference already.
On Wednesday she pulled herself up and cruised along using the furniture as a hold for the first time. She is making more sounds then before. She doesn't rub hers constantly and most importantly she is sleeping through the night most nights.
Well done my beautiful brave girl. I am so glad we did this.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
The truth of pain
Last week we had to take Zoey to Ballito to have Grommets in both ears. It was a pretty stressfull experience for all of us so we decided to go away as a family for the weekend and take a break.
I will tell you in another post about the fun times of our weekend in Zinkwazi, but this post is just about the worst seventy minutes of my life.
On Saturday afternoon Andrew and Zoey went for a nap together. Ewan and I spent the afternoon playing by the lagoons edge and colouring in his new book.
At about 4:45 we were sitting outside and he was playing with his stuffed Mickey Mouse and some sweets from his schools Easter sale.
The afternoon was muggy and I really wanted to rinse off the sweat that was coating me. I tried to convince Ewan to shower with me or go inside but he was really happy playing. I made him promise to stay next to the table and I ran inside. I was gone just over two minutes.
When I glanced outside on my way back to the bedroom Ewan was gone. I ran outside with just a towel on. I couldn't see him next to the lagoon. At this stage I believed he was behind the house so I ran in and threw on a shirt and shorts. I ran around the whole house but couldn't see him. That was when I found Mickey Mouse lying abandoned in the garden. At this stage I fetched Andrew and together we ran up and down the bank.
Fear had now started to creep in. I was screaming his name and getting histerical. Andrew got me to go back to the house and fetch Zoey. He ran on through the resort screaming Ewan's name.
At 5 I went to our neighbours and asked if they had seen him. The husband had seen him playing at the tap next to the house about ten minutes before. The whole family joined in our search and within minutes about twenty people where looking for Ewan. I moved between holding Zoey and trying to calm myself down with Mickey clutched to my chest and screaming with a pure pain I didn't know it was possible to feel.
I left Zoey with another Mom and went racing around the resort again screaming his name. When we passed the half hour mark a cold and terrible fear crept over me. We weren't going to find him. My baby boy was gone forever. I vomited in the nearest bushes as waves of dizziness passed over me. I thought about his last day and hoped that it was a happy one. I regreted not getting him the ice cream he wanted in the shops earlier that day. I sat on the ground and sobbed loudly and uncontrollably.
In that moment I no longer wanted to live. My reason for life was gone.
I prayed and screamed to every god to let me just hold my son one last time.
I can't count the number of times I screamed Please at the top of my lungs.
I went back to Zoey and scanning the river bank.
A woman I don't know held me and gave me huge amounts of comfort. Her words that we would find him were like rocks I was clinging to in a storm.
I regreted my shower, I regreted going away for the weekend and I regreted every moment I had not spent with my son. I kept thinking of his 5th birthday just six weeks away and that would send me into a fresh flood of tears and anguish.
My arms ached to hold him just one more time.
I spotted a blonde movement in the river and ran forward. It was just a leaf but for a second it was Ewan in my head.
After an hour I was defeated I had lost all hope. If he wasn't in the river then someone had taken him.
In the meantime Andrew had run all over the resort and even into the kraals on the far side. At one point his only thought was that his little nap with Zoey was the last time he would ever sleep properly again in his life. My strong husband was hurting but determined to find his son even if it was just his body.
Just after six I felt like I could no longer go on. I was sitting on the ground screaming please and rocking Zoey in my arms.
At that moment I heard Andrew shout that he had found him. He had sprinted across the resort carrying Ewan. The tears of relief as I held my son just poured down my cheeks.
Ewan was alive.
He had run away because he didn't want to shower. He had locked himself in the ladies toliets next to the restaurant. Andrew heard him singing to himself and after yelling at him, he got Ewan to unlock the door.
I was filled with a mixture of relief and anger.
I still cry just thinking about that hour. Andrew and I have not slept properly in two days as our minds still swim with the what might have been.
Until Saturday I thought I knew what pain was and what fear felt like. Now I know the worst feeling on earth and nothing can come close.
I still feel a little bit numb.
I will tell you in another post about the fun times of our weekend in Zinkwazi, but this post is just about the worst seventy minutes of my life.
On Saturday afternoon Andrew and Zoey went for a nap together. Ewan and I spent the afternoon playing by the lagoons edge and colouring in his new book.
At about 4:45 we were sitting outside and he was playing with his stuffed Mickey Mouse and some sweets from his schools Easter sale.
The afternoon was muggy and I really wanted to rinse off the sweat that was coating me. I tried to convince Ewan to shower with me or go inside but he was really happy playing. I made him promise to stay next to the table and I ran inside. I was gone just over two minutes.
When I glanced outside on my way back to the bedroom Ewan was gone. I ran outside with just a towel on. I couldn't see him next to the lagoon. At this stage I believed he was behind the house so I ran in and threw on a shirt and shorts. I ran around the whole house but couldn't see him. That was when I found Mickey Mouse lying abandoned in the garden. At this stage I fetched Andrew and together we ran up and down the bank.
Fear had now started to creep in. I was screaming his name and getting histerical. Andrew got me to go back to the house and fetch Zoey. He ran on through the resort screaming Ewan's name.
At 5 I went to our neighbours and asked if they had seen him. The husband had seen him playing at the tap next to the house about ten minutes before. The whole family joined in our search and within minutes about twenty people where looking for Ewan. I moved between holding Zoey and trying to calm myself down with Mickey clutched to my chest and screaming with a pure pain I didn't know it was possible to feel.
I left Zoey with another Mom and went racing around the resort again screaming his name. When we passed the half hour mark a cold and terrible fear crept over me. We weren't going to find him. My baby boy was gone forever. I vomited in the nearest bushes as waves of dizziness passed over me. I thought about his last day and hoped that it was a happy one. I regreted not getting him the ice cream he wanted in the shops earlier that day. I sat on the ground and sobbed loudly and uncontrollably.
In that moment I no longer wanted to live. My reason for life was gone.
I prayed and screamed to every god to let me just hold my son one last time.
I can't count the number of times I screamed Please at the top of my lungs.
I went back to Zoey and scanning the river bank.
A woman I don't know held me and gave me huge amounts of comfort. Her words that we would find him were like rocks I was clinging to in a storm.
I regreted my shower, I regreted going away for the weekend and I regreted every moment I had not spent with my son. I kept thinking of his 5th birthday just six weeks away and that would send me into a fresh flood of tears and anguish.
My arms ached to hold him just one more time.
I spotted a blonde movement in the river and ran forward. It was just a leaf but for a second it was Ewan in my head.
After an hour I was defeated I had lost all hope. If he wasn't in the river then someone had taken him.
In the meantime Andrew had run all over the resort and even into the kraals on the far side. At one point his only thought was that his little nap with Zoey was the last time he would ever sleep properly again in his life. My strong husband was hurting but determined to find his son even if it was just his body.
Just after six I felt like I could no longer go on. I was sitting on the ground screaming please and rocking Zoey in my arms.
At that moment I heard Andrew shout that he had found him. He had sprinted across the resort carrying Ewan. The tears of relief as I held my son just poured down my cheeks.
Ewan was alive.
He had run away because he didn't want to shower. He had locked himself in the ladies toliets next to the restaurant. Andrew heard him singing to himself and after yelling at him, he got Ewan to unlock the door.
I was filled with a mixture of relief and anger.
I still cry just thinking about that hour. Andrew and I have not slept properly in two days as our minds still swim with the what might have been.
Until Saturday I thought I knew what pain was and what fear felt like. Now I know the worst feeling on earth and nothing can come close.
I still feel a little bit numb.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
So sick of eggs
So this is my paleo diet update. Day 17 and I hate eggs. I loathe eggs. In truth I have never really liked them but they form a huge part of this diet. The first week I had eggs for breakfast every morning. Breakfast is aleady a battle for me as I have never liked eating in the morning. The eggs just add to the issue. I am thinking of just eating fruit in the morning but that is higher sugar so we will see.
Enough of the moaning...
I am now sitting at 77kg which means a total weight loss of 5kg's. People have started to notice and my clothes are feeling a bit loss.
I do need to push the exercise but I am just not finding the time. I need to actually set a time in the day and force myself to work out.
Anyway it's an uphill battle but besides the eggs I am enjoying Paleo and finding it quite easy to follow.
A normal post will follow tomorrow:)
Enough of the moaning...
I am now sitting at 77kg which means a total weight loss of 5kg's. People have started to notice and my clothes are feeling a bit loss.
I do need to push the exercise but I am just not finding the time. I need to actually set a time in the day and force myself to work out.
Anyway it's an uphill battle but besides the eggs I am enjoying Paleo and finding it quite easy to follow.
A normal post will follow tomorrow:)
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Paleo 30 day Challenge
One of my resolutions for my thirties was to lose the baby weight gained from two pregnancies. I tried a couple of diets but as somebodywho spent years not eating I find progammes that have points difficult. I tend to try and get as few points as possible using exercise and not eating. Not exactly the point... I know.
My Doctor suggested the Paleo diet and since my husband had just heard a talk about the diet and wanted to give it a go the timing was perfect.
The basics:
Paleo does not involve points or counting calories. The idea is to simply eat the way hunter-gathers did. This means no processed foods, carbs or diary. I did a lot or research and most of it really makes sense. When you shop on the Paleo diet you stick to the edges of the supermarket and fill your trolley with fruits, vegetables, nuts and meats.
So the 30 day challenge:
I am sticking completely to the diet for 30 days(okay I will have the occasional white wine spritzer). It's a really short period of time and I want to give this diet the best chance. After 30 days I will decided if I want to continue, adapt the diet a bit or stop altogther. I plan to write here every few days just to update on weight loss, cm loss and how I am feeling. Hopefully this will help others wanting to try Paleo.
The start:
I started the diet on Monday 02-02-2014. The night before I ate a carb fest from KFC to get it all out of my system.
Breakfasts have consisted of omlettes with bacon or leftovers from dinner. Lunch is fruit or steamed veg. Dinner so far has been steak and salad or meat and veg. Tonight we are having people over for dinner so I am doing a chicken bake with cauliflower and pumpkin mash,
Feelings:
I haven't actually missed carbs and I do feel full after a meal. Today - day 3 I have a bit of headache which Dr.Google says is normal as your body suffers withdrawal symptoms from carbs, sugar, diary and proccessed foods. On a more personal note I have the heaviest period of my life which is also apparently common but this does stop as your hormone levels even out.
The only thing I do is miss is chocolate and that will be coming back to an extent after the thirty days.
Cheats:
I did have a cider at my parents house on Monday. Whoops but I don't think it matters too much.
The important info:
All the measurements where taken on Sunday night.
Weight: 82kg
Waist: 94cm
Hips: 110cm
Bust: 98cm
Wow okay I am really putting that out for the world to read. Don't judge I weighed 42kg's when I left school. Okay you can judge me... I judge myself. I did need to gain about 15kgs after school as I was severly underweight but 40 is pushing it. My goal now is 62 kgs by September 10. I know I can do it.
I will be doing kettlebell workouts, yoga and cardio so not all weightloss can be attributed to the diet.
So let's start this journey and I would love your support along the way.
My Doctor suggested the Paleo diet and since my husband had just heard a talk about the diet and wanted to give it a go the timing was perfect.
The basics:
Paleo does not involve points or counting calories. The idea is to simply eat the way hunter-gathers did. This means no processed foods, carbs or diary. I did a lot or research and most of it really makes sense. When you shop on the Paleo diet you stick to the edges of the supermarket and fill your trolley with fruits, vegetables, nuts and meats.
So the 30 day challenge:
I am sticking completely to the diet for 30 days(okay I will have the occasional white wine spritzer). It's a really short period of time and I want to give this diet the best chance. After 30 days I will decided if I want to continue, adapt the diet a bit or stop altogther. I plan to write here every few days just to update on weight loss, cm loss and how I am feeling. Hopefully this will help others wanting to try Paleo.
The start:
I started the diet on Monday 02-02-2014. The night before I ate a carb fest from KFC to get it all out of my system.
Breakfasts have consisted of omlettes with bacon or leftovers from dinner. Lunch is fruit or steamed veg. Dinner so far has been steak and salad or meat and veg. Tonight we are having people over for dinner so I am doing a chicken bake with cauliflower and pumpkin mash,
Feelings:
I haven't actually missed carbs and I do feel full after a meal. Today - day 3 I have a bit of headache which Dr.Google says is normal as your body suffers withdrawal symptoms from carbs, sugar, diary and proccessed foods. On a more personal note I have the heaviest period of my life which is also apparently common but this does stop as your hormone levels even out.
The only thing I do is miss is chocolate and that will be coming back to an extent after the thirty days.
Cheats:
I did have a cider at my parents house on Monday. Whoops but I don't think it matters too much.
The important info:
All the measurements where taken on Sunday night.
Weight: 82kg
Waist: 94cm
Hips: 110cm
Bust: 98cm
Wow okay I am really putting that out for the world to read. Don't judge I weighed 42kg's when I left school. Okay you can judge me... I judge myself. I did need to gain about 15kgs after school as I was severly underweight but 40 is pushing it. My goal now is 62 kgs by September 10. I know I can do it.
I will be doing kettlebell workouts, yoga and cardio so not all weightloss can be attributed to the diet.
So let's start this journey and I would love your support along the way.
I'm back:)
I am back.... although the website still looks awful I have decided to just live with it until I can get someone else to do the design and editing work. I promise it will become more social media friendly. Some days I wish I could go back to Blogger as that was so much easier.
Anyway....
Since I left a few things have happened:
* My beautiful niece Sasha was born on January 1st. She was also the first baby born in Alberlito hopsital this year so the North Coast Courier did an article on her which you can find here. Isn't she so cute?
* I turned 30. Wow I still can't believe I am 30. My husband planned a surprise weekend away for me to Misty Peaks in the Drakensberg. I had a fantastic weekend surrounded by friends and family in a spectacular setting. It did rain all weekend but the mountains look great even in the mist.
* Husband gave me a pendant with a tanzinite rock that dwarfs my engagement ring. I am the luckiest girl in the world.
* Zoey started crawling. Now she is in everything and so Ewan is learning to hide his toys.
*Ewan started Grade RR. He is so close to being able to read and write. Thought about moving him straight to Grade R but after talking it over with a few people decide to leave him in RR. He will be 5 in June which means he would be 18 six months after leaving school. I don't think he would handle being the youngest in his year very well socially and emotionally.
*I have some very big news that hopefully I can tell you about soon. It will change so many things in my life and I am sure the changes will be for the better.
* I can finally call myself a writer. I have a number of freelance jobs coming in and it's slowly starting to pay. My first book has passed the $200 mark on Amazon which isn't a huge amount but it's a start. Praise from a few well known editors in this country for pitches I have sent has given me the self belief I so badly needed. So onward and upward.
Hopefully my thirties will bring me to a happier and more content place in my life.
So what have you all been up to?
Anyway....
Since I left a few things have happened:
* My beautiful niece Sasha was born on January 1st. She was also the first baby born in Alberlito hopsital this year so the North Coast Courier did an article on her which you can find here. Isn't she so cute?
* I turned 30. Wow I still can't believe I am 30. My husband planned a surprise weekend away for me to Misty Peaks in the Drakensberg. I had a fantastic weekend surrounded by friends and family in a spectacular setting. It did rain all weekend but the mountains look great even in the mist.
* Husband gave me a pendant with a tanzinite rock that dwarfs my engagement ring. I am the luckiest girl in the world.
* Zoey started crawling. Now she is in everything and so Ewan is learning to hide his toys.
*Ewan started Grade RR. He is so close to being able to read and write. Thought about moving him straight to Grade R but after talking it over with a few people decide to leave him in RR. He will be 5 in June which means he would be 18 six months after leaving school. I don't think he would handle being the youngest in his year very well socially and emotionally.
*I have some very big news that hopefully I can tell you about soon. It will change so many things in my life and I am sure the changes will be for the better.
* I can finally call myself a writer. I have a number of freelance jobs coming in and it's slowly starting to pay. My first book has passed the $200 mark on Amazon which isn't a huge amount but it's a start. Praise from a few well known editors in this country for pitches I have sent has given me the self belief I so badly needed. So onward and upward.
Hopefully my thirties will bring me to a happier and more content place in my life.
So what have you all been up to?
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Not dead
Hi
I am busy trying to sort this blog out. I promise I am not dead or stopping blogging I am just doing some editing:)
Normal (actually hopefully impoved) service will resume shortly. If there are any changes you would like to see please comment on this post.
I am busy trying to sort this blog out. I promise I am not dead or stopping blogging I am just doing some editing:)
Normal (actually hopefully impoved) service will resume shortly. If there are any changes you would like to see please comment on this post.
Monday, October 21, 2013
The weekend that was
Yes I know have been absent again.... All the usual excuses about time, babies, studying and work:) There are going to be some major changes coming to this blog in November with help from some IT friends and some people I have met in the blogosphere. Hope you like them as they come along.
So this weekend...
We had the Oktobertanz at my son's school. I don't really like beer but I still consumed a fair amount( the bar was under the stage on the other side of the hall so it was easier to drink the jugs of beer then to walk there). Andrew put a lavender flower in his hair and the night went steadily downhill. We left before 11(night without baby means we want to sleep) but I am told the party only ended at 4am.
Zoey discovered biltong... just like every good SA baby should. So far it's a hit.
On Saturday I took my Mom, Alena and Ewan to watch my father take part in the re-enactment of the Battle of Talana in Dundee. The weather was freezing cold and drizzly. However Ewan loved every minute of it. My Dad belongs to a group called the Dundee Die Hards. The idea is to keep history alive for the younger generation. They have taken part in movies and a number of big events all over the country. Here he is in uniform with Ewan.
All Ewan could talk about was how Papa had shot the bad guys. It's a great day out and if you ever see an advert for one of their re-enactments or even drills you should really go along and watch. Poor Alena was at first frightened as the noise of the thunder flashes and rifles(firing blanks) is very loud. The battle is as realistic as they can make it. The Boers even had a few young boys on their side. The ambulance men are all Indian and they have women as camp followers.
Afterwards Ewan had great fun playing on the old mining equipment at the museum.
Sunday was spent at home trying to keep warm.
Ewan is so sweet with Zoey that it just breaks my heart. He says that he is her superhero that will always look after her.
On a work note I am writing a book for children aged about 6-9 years old. I am just stuck on giving the little rhino who is the lead character a name. Any thoughts? The book is an adventure story and involves the young rhino setting out with his friends to find the one animal who can help after the rhinos mother is hurt by poachers.
After years working in conservation I can't quite let go of that part of my life. I am hoping to be able to give part of the proceeds to anti-poaching operations in Kruger.
So this weekend...
We had the Oktobertanz at my son's school. I don't really like beer but I still consumed a fair amount( the bar was under the stage on the other side of the hall so it was easier to drink the jugs of beer then to walk there). Andrew put a lavender flower in his hair and the night went steadily downhill. We left before 11(night without baby means we want to sleep) but I am told the party only ended at 4am.
Zoey discovered biltong... just like every good SA baby should. So far it's a hit.
On Saturday I took my Mom, Alena and Ewan to watch my father take part in the re-enactment of the Battle of Talana in Dundee. The weather was freezing cold and drizzly. However Ewan loved every minute of it. My Dad belongs to a group called the Dundee Die Hards. The idea is to keep history alive for the younger generation. They have taken part in movies and a number of big events all over the country. Here he is in uniform with Ewan.
All Ewan could talk about was how Papa had shot the bad guys. It's a great day out and if you ever see an advert for one of their re-enactments or even drills you should really go along and watch. Poor Alena was at first frightened as the noise of the thunder flashes and rifles(firing blanks) is very loud. The battle is as realistic as they can make it. The Boers even had a few young boys on their side. The ambulance men are all Indian and they have women as camp followers.
Afterwards Ewan had great fun playing on the old mining equipment at the museum.
Sunday was spent at home trying to keep warm.
Ewan is so sweet with Zoey that it just breaks my heart. He says that he is her superhero that will always look after her.
On a work note I am writing a book for children aged about 6-9 years old. I am just stuck on giving the little rhino who is the lead character a name. Any thoughts? The book is an adventure story and involves the young rhino setting out with his friends to find the one animal who can help after the rhinos mother is hurt by poachers.
After years working in conservation I can't quite let go of that part of my life. I am hoping to be able to give part of the proceeds to anti-poaching operations in Kruger.
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